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The media these days is sensationalist. Something happens, they get in there with their equipment and zoom on the bloodiest goriest parts just for ratings' sake. That's nothing new, it's been that way for ages - but sometimes, I find myself truly appalled by what some people would do to get a story and the low techniques they use. Partial quotes, for example, and the reactions of OMG I'M SO SHOCKED dumb-arses to them.

A scene from Portal 2 ahead. Some of you may consider this spoilers. )

Using half-quotes out of context, over-dramatizing shit - all tried and tested methods used by news people to create the next sensation, even if it includes giving a stage to idiots who don't deserve it.

Or take the latest speech by Obama about the middle east where he... really doesn't say anything new. I've seen various reports on it: some (like Fox News, which are neither) make a point on emphasizing the OMG 67' BORDERS thing while other news sources talk at length about the "exchanges of territories that are acceptable to both sides", speaking of the larger settlement clusters remaining in Israeli hands. Same speech, two different focuses, and on every side the talkback idiots who are like "OMG OBAMA IS ANTI-ISRAEL" (even though the man keeps talking about how Israel has the right to defend itself and that the Arab world needs to fucking recognize it or nothing will happen XP) even though quite frankly they States have technically been saying the same shit for decades and we all know absolutely nothing is going to change. >>;

Guess all I'm saying is, the mass media needs to be hit with mass drivers. That is all.


Nov. 24th, 2010 09:45 am
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I am getting sick and tired of people whining about how all the grass starters are reptiles and how uncreative it is.

So when an artist I follow on dA made a whine entry about it, I had to reply.

Why does it get me so? Because, for one, Grass works for reptiles. Many reptiles need to sun themselves to regulate their body heat. Plants need light to initiate photosynthesis and produce more biomass. It's a match made in heaven. Granted, applying that assumption to dinosaurs (who may have been homeothermic like modern birds and mammals) is a bit of a stretch, but yeah.

Also, 'reptiles' is a very broad umbrella term to describe the Grass starters. The Bulbasaur line seems to have traits of Synapsids, a group that fissioned off from reptiles and eventually gave rise to mammals. The Chikorita line are Sauropod dinosaurs, a group that had quite a bit of internal diversity of its own right. Treecko starts off as a leaf-tailed gecko and proceeds to acquire traits of theropods, a large group of dinosaurs that a clade of, the Maniraptora, is believed to have given rise to modern birds. Turtwig starts as a Snapping Turtle and gradually transforms into a strange cross of a turtle and an ankylosaurid dinosaur and the newest critter, Tsutarja/Snivy, is a proto-snake that progresses gradually into full snake form in its final evolution. That is quite a lot of diversity.

In fact, if you're going to whine about how all grass starters are not creative because they fall under a broad umbrella term, take a broader look at all the starters. Notice a trend here? "Reptiles" including non-avian archosaurids (grass starters, Charmander, Squirtle and Totodile), Mammals (Cyndaquil, Chimchar, Pokabu/Tepig and Mijumaru/Oshawott), birds (Torchic and Piplup)and an amphibian (Mudkip).

OH SHIT. THEY ARE ALL TETRAPOD VERTEBRATES! IT'S NOT CREATIVE! In fact, it shows no creativity whatsoever! I call a Grass Elysia chlorotica, a Fire Bombardier Beetle and a Water Hallucigenia for the extinct wtf factor!

You know what, why limit ourselves to Metazoa only? Let's branch out even more! I call a Grass Cyanobacterium, a Fire Hyperthermophilic Archaeon and a Water Rotifer! How's that for diversity? Not just different classes, by three different DOMAINS! Is that creative enough for you?

Third version could be a special Electric Bacteriophage Edition.


The person I posted this rant at deleted the aforementioned journal entry. Bio-pwned, biyatch.
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Excuse me, I think I am going to go and murder something now.

Edit: Also, Zekrom and Reshiram's classifications are now Deep Black and Vast White. Because obviously keeping references to Yin and Yang is a crime to PUSA. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse. ><

Snivy is the only name I can live with here - it's a pretty literal translation, even if it sounds like something that would be the name of an evil henchman (Snivy! Get me a Danish!). Tepig kinda derives from a word meaning 'Lukewarm' and excuse me, but that doesn't strike very firey associations, and I refuse to accept Oshawott until it means something. Oshalolwut, moar like. >>;

And Unova is the most Russian name that could have ever been given to a region based on America.
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Brilliant. Because the official translators suddenly remembered to pick up Pocket Monsters Special/Pokemon Adventures again after not touching it for frelling years, MangaFox removed it due to licensing bullshit and OneManga apparently removed everything long ago (and it's not like they had the entire series anyway). Shullbit. x-x

I need my fix of wtff pokemon manga awesomeness damnit.
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Sep. 24th, 2010 02:13 am
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Best Wishes gets points for having an awesome intro sequence with a song by Rica Matsumoto. It also gets points for having a fucking badass Mijumaru.

But it loses points for EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE.

Rant Ahead! )


Aug. 27th, 2010 12:11 am
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Something looks incredibly WRONG with Ash's redesign for Black and White. It's probably something about the eyes.

They're... very... wrong.

Also don't get me started about the fact that just as he gets close enough to finally beating a league he gets trounced by a trainer who is so cheap he has TWO legendaries. TWO OF THEM. There's rules against this sort of shit in official pokemon game tournaments IRL, there damn well should be rules against it in the anime, where the legendaries are ACTUALLY ridiculously powerful. >
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Virginia is ridiculous and talks like a bad cartoon character, Clive is an Aimless Wanderer (Unless he uses Lock-On), Gallows, for a primary magic user, is not the brightest bulb in the box, Jet is a complete douche and the entire cast of characters for this game feels like cardboard cutouts.

Oh yes, and there's reference to WA1 everywhere. And dungeons. Can't forget the dungeons.

Pretty music, though.

Glad I don't actually have to play through this game.
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WHY did no frelling one ever do a proper high-quality scan job on the Art of Wild ARMs artbook?! x-x
stellarwind: (Default)
Gentlemen, We've got titles.

PokeMon Black and White.

It's official.

And here's how it's going to be:

- You aren't a PokeMon trainer. You're either Arceus (in White Version) or Giratina (in Black Version) And you're shaping the world to your whims.

- The starters (renamed 'Avatars') are going to be an ape, a cow and a lion, all of which are vaguely anthropomorphic but not entirely and just end up looking ridiculous.

- Stylus integration is now complete. Battles and everything else are conducted by stylus gestures.

- Your mission is to search for plates. Everywhere. Plates contain missions that will allow you to gain more PokeMon minions in your quest to defeat your rival and become the supreme god.

... Creative Rebirth, indeed.

(To those that don't get it, look up a game called Black and White. XD)
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"The Pokémon Sunday episode confirms that players can go to the Kanto region after defeating the Elite Four. Players may ride the Magnet Train or the S.S. Aqua to go between the regions Johto and Kanto."



May. 22nd, 2009 01:18 am
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So yeah. I've been watching the last couple of episodes of Pokeymans.

Yes, I can't believe it either.

Cut to prevent spoilers for certain people. )

Also, PokeMon Character Tickboxy Thing Meme. )

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You'd think they'd avoid the 10-years-later-syndrome. But I guess they didn't.

By 10-years-later syndrome, I mean something that seems to happen in a lot of sequels (I could throw StarCraft II and Dreamfall as examples) where the characters from last story arc evolved in a completely fucked up direction which is COMPLETELY fucking out of character for them.

I mean, take a look at Phoenix, for the love of God. He reminds me of Michael Garibaldi (of Babylon 5) in that smug I-know-something-you-don't sort of way. The type of character that doesn't ask people questions unless he already knows the answers. Not that I mind Garibaldi-types (as Londo Mollari put it, "You're cute too, in an annoying sort of way.") but I really don't care for PHOENIX becoming that type. It's just... not him, you know? >>;

And Ema. Omfg. What is it with game companies and making characters evolve into dark and gloomy types? I mean this is EMA we're talking about here - what's with the sudden Victor Kudo-ness? Not to mention that awesome as she may be, she's still no match for Gumshoe in the field of roflpies. (A Gyakuten Saiban game without Gumshoe is scarcely a Gyakuten Saiban game at all. I'm sorry, but fail.)

Also, whoever came with Trucy needs to be punted into a volcano. She's making me miss Maya, for fuck's sake. <<;

On one last note - wtf is up with the German judicial system in that universe? Their prosecutors seem to get younger and younger. I mean, as if Franziska wasn't enough, Klavier officially takes the cake. For him to be only seventeen during his debut case? I'm sorry but that's just plain fucking WROOOOOOOOOOONG.

But this isn't the first case of a character being raised in Germany and being a total fucking Mary Sue. Tohma from Digimon Savers anyone? <<; At least unlike Tohma, Klavier isn't a complete douchebag. And Ya gotta have some respect for a guy who AIRGUITARS in court.

What I want to know though is what the fuck is up with his (and Kristoph's, for that matter) hair. I mean WHAT IS THAT SWIRLY THING?!

Anyhow. Rant aside, I just started the third case, so maybe the game will have the smallest bit of a chance of getting better. All I can say is that following the epicness of Trials and Tribulations, Apollo Justice feels very underwhelming.

And someday, Just out of spite, I'm going to make a sequel for something in which things TURNED OUT for the characters and they're actually, you know, HAPPY, and not emo, bitter and/or posessing a drinking problem. XP
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So here goes.

I guess I haven't posted it on LJ, but most of the people who read this are likely to already know that my main computer has been in and out of commission ever since I got back. But in case you didn't, here's the story.

This computer has been around and in perfect-ish working order since 2003. It only had to be formatted once in its entire history of life. Perfect survival record. I think.

Then I flew off for three months. Before that happened, I turned the poor thing off and unplugged it. You know, to keep it safe from passing power outages.

Three months later, I return home. I turn on my computer, and... wtf, the computer doesn't turn on, at all.

So I drop the computer off for repairs - as it turns out, the power supply died. Fair enough. Power supplies sometimes DO die inexplicably. So I go and have that replaced, computer turns on again, and everyone is happy bunnies.

Or so I thought.

Soon enough a whole series of bizzare malfunctions attacked - spontaneous resets, blue screens on windows, sudden hardware failures... Only god knows -what- the fuck happened there. Possible diagnoses (according to the internets, anyway) were graphic adapter driver going bad (ruled out, as I uninstalled the drivers and installed new ones and nothing happened), RAM or Motherboard failures (which worried me as this computer is ancient and parts for it would cost an arm and a leg.) or something else entirely. It could be so many different things I figured I'd have a professional look at it.

And guess what? The problem was bloated capacitors on the -graphics adapter-. So we had THAT removed and the onboard graphics adapter's driver installed. And I thought that was the end of that.

When I connected everything and started the computer, it worked. Then I plugged in the wireless modem I have for the computer. It couldn't properly go online, so I tried connecting the network cable instead. And suddenly, it froze.

I reset the computer, only to find out it's not recieving any form of input. Shut it down again, tried turning it on...

Guess what? It's NOT turning on.

Either the new power supply burned, or there's something even more fundementally wrong. But either way, my computer is dead. AGAIN.

For the moment I'm using my laptop as a desktop computer. Whatever it was that killed my computer again, I'm going to check on it again tomorrow. If the computer is salvagable, I'll try at least to salvage it. If it isn't... well, I'll get a USB keyboard for the laptop. Because i'm fvcking tired of the laptop's keyboard. seriously.

... Also, where's a Katie when you need one. >>;
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I think that most people who know me know that I really love PokéMon. The world, the creatures, a whole set of concepts, the fact it's so open for interpretation and expansion... And just the idea of a whole world full of sentient creatures with powers that could be best defined as magical, living in balance and harmony with nature, having their own integrated ecosystems - and living in harmony with humans, more or less - as well as their relationships with humans, and how it seems like when both are working together - that is when their true potential can be unlocked. The whole "Together, there's no limit to how much we can evolve." thing, to borrow a phrase from an unrelated series which I also love.

... Corny and cliché as this concept might be, I love it. Hell, it's one of the things that got me very much in love with other, more obscure things - such as Lost Eden, where only by collaboration of Humans and Dinosaurs working together as equals, both could stand up and fight an enemy that was much too powerful for both to handle apart.

As much as I love PokéMon as a whole, though, I'm not a big fan of the PokéMon anime. Even though it has its occasional awesome moments (and that even I can't deny), I mainly only catch the occasional episodes for motion reference (Because as much as the official art style is very eh to me, I like seeing PokéMon actually animated) and Team Rocket (Because everyone knows that TEAM ROCKET PWNS FRELLING SOULS. I love those three stooges. XD). Some things about this series just don't sit right with me, I guess.

Maybe it's the main characters that bother me - Even though Ash has been toned down a lot through the years and became... tolerable, it seems that Brock has been gradually losing it over the years and the female characters have the unfortunate tendency to get on my nerves after a while (I hated Misty right off the bat, May started off as a clueless n00b and then evolved into a very meh character, and Hikari makes me want to break things on her head. Namely her Pochama. Daijobou THIS, condom-hat biatch). And don't even get me started about Godmodiachu. Even though he did have his moments, It just bothers the fuck out of me when the thing manages to fucking electro-nuke a TORTERRA. Which is supposed to shrug it off and proceed to EQ the fuck out of the damn rodent. And seed bomb whatever remains.

Still, I may be biased because I mostly dislike the 'chu line. Except Raichu. Raichus pwn fucking souls.

Still, there is one thing I really do enjoy about the PokéMon anime, and that is its soundtrack. Its ORIGINAL soundtrack, that is. The American dub soundtrack hurts my brain (with the sole exception, so far, of the PokéMon the Movie 2000's soundtrack - one of the VERY few cases in which the dub exceeds the original, in terms of music) - but the Japanese soundtrack produced a few of my favorite anime songs yet.

For years I thought that all dub soundtracks of the series were based off the American dub - and for the most part they are.

And then I found this, or rather, Katie did, and introduced me to it. And in seconds, this theme became one of my three favorite PokéMon anime opening themes ever - the other two are 'Ready Go!', the fifth season intro (which, together with the animation, is one of the themes I consider the most beautiful in the series), and 'Battle Frontier' (which may have some Engrish, but that's part of what makes it awesome. That song pwns, as does the animation that goes with it.).

So, what makes this theme special? It's not Japanese. It's Italian.

Apparantly Italy has had its own dub themes, much unlike the rest of the world which copycats and translates the American musical atrocities. And while a few of them have a vast amount of Italian Engrish (the existence of which amuses me - although Italians are probably just as amused to hear random Italian in foreign things, and the Japanese are probably silently laughing when they see these baka gaijin screw up their language) - THIS particular theme is so frelling awesome, that I found myself not only listening to it on loop... but I have an anime intro in mind for Miato, my own personal region, set to it.

... And the only connection between me and Italy is pretty well the fact I love pasta and pizza, and that one of my online friends, who just so happens to be one hell of an awesome artist, happens to be Italian.

I wish I had the translation for those lyrics, too. <<

So yeah. You know the world is broken when a region that is mostly a fusion of British Columbia and Ancient Egypt (among other things) and was created by an Israeli (who dreams on moving to Canada) for a Japanese franchise has its mental image of an anime intro to an Italian theme.

Did I mention PokéMon makes the world go 'round? >>


Nov. 4th, 2007 07:48 am
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CitrusNanimon?! X to the fucking D.

SERIOUSLY, man. SO how did THIS happen? Simple.

Someone in the higher-ups in Disney/Jetix paid a visit to Jeff Nimoy, the guy who is responsible for raping (that is, dubbing) Savers, and basically told him "Yes, about BomberNanimon. Well, Walking bombs are bad, mmkay? So, like, either you, like cut the episode, or, like, edit the walking bomb out, mmkay?"

... And he turned it into an ORANGE. Because really, what else could he do.

I'm amused as FUCK by this. And yet somehow, I'm also pissed off. You see, it occurs to me that the only reason this thing was edited anyway was because onoes walking bombs = ONOES TERRORISTS, LOL CAN'T HAVE THE KIDS WATCHING TERRORISM! IT'S UNAMERICAN! THINK OF TEH CHEEELDRENS OMFG.

Is it just me or has the world gone entirely fucking mad ever since 9/11?

Not to belittle the many victims of that catastrophe - because it was an UBER catastrophe. But the was the US (and following it, the rest of the world) took it... Is fucking PERSONAL. It's like it's not a pair of buildings were destroyed (among other constructs in the US) and thousands of lives were lost - but rather, the hijacked planes crashed into the Western World's penis - and they're STILL touchy about the subject.

Seriously. When you hear all sorts of stories about how airport security is treating people FIVE-SIX YEARS AFTER the whole thing happened (Because everyone knows plastic key-chains are a terrorist weapon and all foreigners are dangerous to society even if they come from fucking England) and things are being randomly banned for broadcast/edited for no reason because 'ONOES TERRORISM!' - You KNOW this world has lost its fucking sanity.

But still. A giant walking orange. Obviously buildings in Japan are made of Baking Soda. Otherwise would they explode so magnificently in contact with oranges?
stellarwind: (Default)
"Well a new Japanese Episod eTitle has been unveiled for another upcoming episode:

Episode 523: Aipom & Buizel! Respective Roads!"

News report yoinked from Serebii (complete with all the relevant typos).


I mean, first Ash getting Paul's Chimchar, and now THIS. >>

stellarwind: (Default)
Well, it's official.

Disney/Jetix have fucking raped Savers the same way they raped Frontier.

Le sigh. It's not as if I expected something else. But I was somewhat optimistic when they kept the original names/evolution cries in Digimon World Data Squad, even if it already uses the horrid dub voices (Sora is Yoshino? Give me a break. x_X)

... Mind you, I suppose I should have known it when they renamed Noguchi Ikuto "Keenan Crier". WTF KINDA NAME IS KEENAN?!

... Jetix must die. The end.

Mild edit: Apparantly the person in charge of raping Savers is the same one who raped Zero Two. And considering the fact that I've only recently found out just HOW thoroughly Zero Two was raped... That gives me even MORE reason to worry. o-o
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It started with a thread in 'Charms regarding people's opinions on Emulation - and someone making a post about how Emulators are illegal and hurting the economy and stuffs. Which instigated this reply from yours truly. Read the thread if anything doesn't makes much sense.

ALRIGHT. First of all - let's separate the sheep from the goats on this matter.

First of all, the emulators themselves are NOT illegal. In fact, they are perfectly legal. They are programs that simulate the inner workings of a console. What makes emulation illegal and allegedly money-stealing is the games themselves - the so-called pure evil (Onoes! Colbert, you missed that one in your threatdown!) ROMs. As the matter of fact, that's not exactly accurate either - ROM dumping isn't illegal on its own right either - one is allowed to make a backup copy of something they legally own, right? Well, if someone didn't legally own the original carts, they couldn't dump them into ROM form, and therefore ROMs wouldn't exist. What makes them supposedly illegal is their distribution for free online, royalty-free, effectively annihilating any chance that anyone could make money of them. And we all know that if no one can make money off it, it's hurting the precious economy! Onoes! ROMMUNISTS!

But seriously now, folks. Before someone calls Captain Capitalism to charge in to defend Justice and the American way (TM), it should perhaps be reminded that there's somewhat of a loop in regard to so-called 'illegal' downloads - not just as far as games are concerned, but also as far as illegal music and movie downloads. This problem is slowly beginning to find its solutions, but we are still far away from any significant revolutions.

The problem is this: Distributors/publishers overcharge for their media. Some people go 'Wtf? I'm not paying that much!' and download. Distributors/publishers get pissed off, but they won't lower their prices because their fat greedy buttery managers need to buy that extra BMW-jet-engined yacht with propellors and a pink flamingo bust at the front for the kids (who don't even have the liscence to drive one of these things, but screw the law, they have money!), so the prices get raised to cope with their corporate losses. Which only makes MORE people download things, rinse and repeat.

Meanwhile, the people that suffer most of all from this madness is the creators of said media (How much of the money do you think really goes to the original creators? Not as much as you think!), and pointless flame wars start. Ugh.

There are always people who will pay to buy things legally for moral reasons, And always a few people that will download things out of either protest or just the will to screw the system by obtaining as much as they can for free. And quite a few people that are in between. In case of emulation, for instance, sometimes people will download a game's ROM to try it out and see if it's actually worth buying - because in quite a few cases there's a big difference between playing the game on a computer, with a keyboard, and playing it on a console with a proper controller (Not to mention that some things cannot be properly emulated). There is more that can be said (for instance, about music and movies), but that is a discussion for another, more relevant thread.


A good argument FOR emulation would be preservation. A lot of old games would have vanished forever in 'today's modern world' if they weren't turned into ROMs. Other games would have remained Japan-exclusive if no one ever translated their ROMs into English - Games that would have vanished due to their creator companies dissolving, forgetting about them, various American or European distributors deciding that the game is too foreign (Ya gotta love the 80s-90s where every ounce of foreign culture was cut out from games to appeal to an American audience - ONOES! IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ONIGIRI BUT IT'S REALLY DONUTS!!!), violent (INVISIBLE GUNS!), uneducational (ONOES! Oblique reference to alcohol! Let's change that into coffee and make the dialogue make no fucking sense whatsoever!) or the game itself falling victim to various corporation copyright issues (which will quite probably prevent some NES/SNES titles from being released on the Wii's Virtual Console, for instance, because their creator company is now Sony or Microsoft's bitch).

Any of you ever heard of Live-A-Live, Monstania or Keitai Denjuu Telefang? ... Why am I not surprised?

And really. Sometimes fan translations are MUCH better than the official stuff. I'm looking at YOU, Final Fantasy V.

And - Regarding the idea of old games being released for a small fee - that still creates an issue of what games would be re-released. Take the Wii virtual console, for instance. Groundbreaking? Oh yes. The video game answer to iTunes. But still, the decision of what game gets re-released and what doesn't remains in the hands of Nintendo (and co-developers which may, as mentioned before, may now be another company's bitch) as opposed to the gamers themselves, who would actually want to see a few games that Nintendo might not exactly give a damn about. Also, Personally, I really pity companies that try to milk the consumers for all they're worth by actually selling their ancient abandoned games (Remakes with added features don't count - I'm talking about direct ports here) - that, to me, is quite definitely beating a dead horse. A lot of people nowadays wouldn't buy outdated games as is, and for the rest of the nostalgia maniacs out there - that is what the Internets is for. You stopped making money from these games years ago. Live and let fucking die.

Not to mention that sometimes popularity of a title online as a hack creates silent revolutions. Take Enterbrain, for example, a Japanese game company known for its RPG Maker titles. Fan-translated and distributed for free online for years. When they saw the great fan following the program and creations made with it had in the English-speaking world, Enterbrain released one of their latest products, RPG Maker XP, in English, for a small fee online, and most of the game developers who used it actually bought it. Some companies decide to remake games depending by how popular they were in the world using the internet as research material.

Regarding the portability argument made by Aipom - are most home consoles portable? Not exactly. Regarding portable-consoles like the GBA and the DS, the portability value may be lost on an emulator, but how many people would buy a console for just, I dunno, one or two games they might be interested in? Every console has its few gems amidst a great sea of trash (though one man's trash is another's treasure). Plus, some consoles are not available in some places, and when it's either importing or emulation, sometimes emulation can be better than importing. Who would spend infernal amounts of cash over a potentially unsafe online transaction to import a console which, after you finish the game a few times, will just sit there and rot unused? Point for thought.

As for the viruses argument - Many ROM sites are indeed infected with Trojan horses and viruses, but, begging your pardon, downloading ANYTHING online is not risk-free. There will always be crap and viruses online, and if you're not protecting yourself properly, well, you're screwed anyway. Even if you're downloading innocuous, cute fuzzy pink bunnies in wallpaper form. They might be hiding a chest-bursting xenomorphic worm virus. Which will promptly latch onto your face and eat your soul.

So yeah. What I'm really trying to say here is this. The economy and game makers AREN'T hurt that much because some corporate butter-monster doesn't get paid ridiculous sums of money, ROMs and emulators are not pure evil and they have their place in the world. Maybe newer, contemporary consoles may be a bit eyebrow-raising as far as emulation is concerned nowadays - but in a few years, when these consoles go the way of the dodo (fuzzy, tasty and alas, fatally dead), someone will be very happy that someone preserved these games in a form that allows them to be playable out of their original system (There's a limit to how much you can go with backwards compatibility without weakening a system's overall performance. Sooner or later, the Playstation 7 will not be able to run PS2 titles, the Nintendo Holycrapitsapyramid won't run Gamecube titles, and the HoloScreen Immersive Portable GB3DS will NOT run old Game Boy games) - or in cases of some games that were pure unrefined gold in spite of not being highly popular, preserved them at all.

This is StellarWind Elsydeon, your ROMMUNIST Ranting Shapeshifter, And that's all I have to say about THAT!

stellarwind: (Default)
... Yoshi is one flicked up organism.

Let's see.. he's a reptile. That's the only thing about him that's certain. What sort of reptile exactly is still a matter of speculation as he seems a cross of a dinosaur, a gecko and a chameleon with a natural saddle on his back and natural SHOES on his feet. His kindred hatches, at full maturity, from eggs, WITH said saddle and shoes, and small back-plates which can't possibly be used for body temperature regulation - and his battle strategy involves *eating* his opponents, chameleon style, and spitting their remains at his other opponents (a very unsportsmanlike way of battling, if you ask me). And what's with his occasional fire breathing?

... Must be indigestion. xD

Which led me to the following theory.

1) The mature forms we see hatching from eggs really are baby forms.
2) It's not a saddle, it's a shell. Like on Lapras, you know?
3) Those shoes are still plain flicked up, but they could be accounted for as a layer of bone and leather which it grows on its feet with age to allow it better protection of its legs.
4) Certain fruit, while digested, may produce a gas which ignites in exposure to air, which are stored in the Yoshi's cheek pouches to the point they build up to the point where Yoshi has to release them. Pernese Dragon Ripoff yes, but works.

It also led me to the following conclusions.

1) Yoshies are genetically engineered.
2) I don't want to see the mother who's been laying all those Yoshi eggs.
3) Yoshi would make a mean football/soccer (whatever you call it wherever you are) player. x_X
4) Nintendo has been obviously getting high on those mushrooms that make Mario grow twice his natural size.
5) I put waaaaaaaaaay too much thought into imaginary creatures.

But then again, this takes place in a reality where mushrooms are animated, throwing turnips at your enemies is enough to slay them efficiently, eating magical leaves causes you to sprout a flight-enabled fursuit, eating flowers makes you breathe fire, fat plumbers are superheroes, blocks naturally have eyes, and the resident princess has a knack for being kidnapped by a spiky, overgrown turtle lizard with a flaming orange DBZ-esque mane.

Out of the above, did anything make sense to you? If so, seek help. Or seek work at Nintendo.


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StellarWind Elsydeon

April 2017



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