Reflections in Raindrops

It went a little something like this.

Cynthia: So are we going to battle or not?
Me: Yeah, sure.
Cynthia: Every time I'm about to get in a battle my KOKORO GOES DOKI DOKI-
Me: It's called cardiac arrhythmia. You should probably have that looked at.
Cynthia: Oh and my pokemon appear to be radiating happiness. THEY FEEL G...O...O...D.... WHAT ARE YOU?
Me: YOU CANNOT GRASP THE TRUE FORM OF-

BATTLE START!

Me: You know what, nevermind. I'm just glad to hear your battle theme. The last guy I fought had one that was severely meh.

ROUND ONE: Melchior (Volcarona M) VS Spiritomb (Ugly Bag of Mostly Spirits)

Spiritomb: Oh Meow?
Melchior: EVERYBODY DANCE NOW.
Spiritomb: S'cuse me, I can't hear you over the sound of my own double team.
Melchior: ... DIE IN A FIRE.
Spiritomb: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... Must increase evasion even MORE...

Cynthia: FULL RESTORE!
Me: HAH! YOU TRIGGERED MY TRAP CARD!

Melchior: (Dancing Queen, Young and Sweet, Level 70.)
Spiritomb: Okay, uh, I'm all done healing and stuff?
Melchior: Excuse me, but I do believe I said DIE IN A FIRE!
Spiritomb: O________O Oh /meow/.

Spiritomb has fainted!

ROUND TWO: Excel (Haxorus F) VS Garchomp (Oshi, she's bringing out the big guns.)

Garchomp: HURR DURR DRAGON RUSH! >8U
Excel: Uh... You kind of missed me by a mile there.
Garchomp: ... I knew I should have taken that left turn at-
Excel: MY FACE IS A BATTLE AXE YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

Garchomp has fainted!

Excel: That was anticlimatic.

ROUND THREE: Xenesthis (Galvantula F) VS Milotic (Amazonian Rainbow Death Eel, aka Sparkle Sparkle Bishie Fishie.)

Xenesthis: *Compoundeyes Thunder to the face*
Milotic: *Survives with HP in the yellow, shakes off the layer of carbonized ash, sparkles* Well I NEVER. HYDRO PUMP!
Xenesthis: ... Okay, that hurt a bit more than it should have. Ah well, One Energy Ball oughtta do it...
Milotic: *Hangs on by a sliver* HYDRO PUMP AGAIN.
Xenesthis: *still alive* OH NO YOU DIDN'T. KAMEHAME-NERGYBALL!
Milotic: ... meep.

Milotic has fainted!

ROUND FOUR: Excel (Haxorus F) VS Eelektross (Putting the "Lamp" in "Lamprey")

Eelektross: Fear my Null Earth Field! I have no weaknesses! I'M INVINCIBLE!
Excel: ... Mold Breaker. Your Levitate means NOTHING to me. NOTHING!
Eelektross: *noticing fissures on the ground* What the, Earthqua - HEY, I CALL HAX!

Eelektross has fainted!

Excel: *sunglasses* Hax-orus.
The Who: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ROUND FIVE: Excel (Haxorus F) VS Lucario (Aura, ah-ah-ah, Roma, Roma Ma, Ga Ga Ooh La La, This Anthro's Wearing Pants.)

Excel: Okay, let's do this shi-
Lucario: DRAGON PULSE HADOUKEN YIP YIP YAP!
Excel: (smoke clears, revealing that she has survived with 10 HP and is extremely not amused) As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted... Earthquake.
Lucario: ... Well, I guess it's time to go to the great furcon in the sky...

Lucario has fainted!

ROUND SIX: Excel (Haxorus F) VS Braviary (It is America and So Can You!)

Cynthia: When was the last time I was pushed into a corner like this?
Me: D/P/Pt called, they want their line back!
Cynthia: BUT IT'S MY ONLY LIIIIIIIIIIIIINE ;-;
Excel: Let's end this quickly, then, shall we-
Braviary: *Shadow claws the last remaining 10 HP*

Excel has fainted!

Me: ... Okay, that did not go quite as planned...

ROUND SEVEN: Aegis (Carracosta M) VS Braviary (WARGLEWARGLEWARGLEWARGLEWARGLE!)

Aegis: ... Uh, Dude. I'm level 65. Are you nuts?! This bird is TEN LEVELS ABOVE ME. o-o
Me: It's a flying type. You're a rock type. This thing is all physical attacks and you have a defense from hell. Plus Cynthia forgot to give it Superpower. Now GET IN THERE AND BURY IT!
Cynthia: ... Should have thought of that...
Braviary: AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! *Brave Birds unceremoniously into Aegis and probably gives itself a slight concussion.*
Aegis: ... What was that? I think something hit me? Oh well. *Rock Slide*
Braviary: *Still reeling from the recoil* Ow... I should have thought this... *sees Rock Slide rolling its way* Through. X_X *Manages to barely survive.*
Cynthia: YOU HAVEN'T WON YET I'M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN
Me: ... you definitely need to get that looked at.
Braviary: MUST RISK LIFE FOR AMERICA. LEEEEEROYYYYYYYYY JENKIIIIIIIIIIIINS! *Brave Birds itself into yet another concussion*
Aegis: ... I'M A ROCK TYPE, YOU STUPID BIRD. ROCK. TYPE. SERIOUSLY. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. *sighs, and Rock Slides the birdie out of its misery*.

Braviary has fainted!

VICTOLY!

Cynthia: ... Well that was fun. My heart is all over the place. You remind me of some guy who faced a giant dimensional tapeworm. Or was it a girl? I don't even. Changes every other tuesday. You must be Magic or some shit, I dunno. Anyway. I'm here all summer. And in spring. I'd like to see you again. I could wear my swimsuits. I can't decide if I want to wear the white one or the black one. Get it? It's a title drop.

Me: ... Miss Cynthia, are you trying to seduce me?

Cynthia: I'm just dying for company, that's all. All I ever get to talk to is this scary narcoleptic with a gravemind attached to her hair. ;-;

Me: You know, considering the canon age range of the playable characters you encounter, there are some who would consider you a rather questionable character.

Cynthia: At least I don't make them beat up preschoolers for my own personal amusement.

Me and Cynthia: Zing!

Alder: I hate you all. ;-;

Step 1: Build a huge *eff*ing keyboard the size of a small continent.

Step 2: Plug its cable into the deepest point of the Mariana Trench (closest to the Earth's Core we could probably get, as dumping the cable into a volcano would be rather... counterproductive).

Step 3: Get a few large tag teams of humans to scale this mighty keyboard, and then jump around on the Ctrl+S keys.

Step 4: ???

Step 5: PLANET SAVED.

(Warning: Make sure to keep complete idiots away from keyboard. The last thing we need is the planet being CTRL+ALT+DEL'd. Or Shift-F5'd. That would not be good.)

This entry has been brought to you by Insanity in Green: Because you can't spell 'Environmental' without 'Mental'!