Generation V: A Review of Species by a Crazy Stel: 1-61.

[stellarwind]

#000 Victini (Psychic/Fire)
This generation's Mewannabe (or should I say Missingno wannabe?), and yet... well.
Let's face it. This thing is a freaking Denjuu. Just like half this generation. This makes me <3 it.

#001 Tsutarja (Grass), #002 Jyanobi (Grass) and #003 Jaroda (Grass)

This thing was my favorite Isshu starter when it was released. It had SO much frigging potential. And then it all went gloriously wrong.

Don't get me wrong, it's not the thing's appearance. I don't mind Jaroda. I think that Tsutarja could have evolved into something more awesome than that, but for an aristocratic royal (if suspiciously bunny-eared) snake, Jaroda is pretty cool. Hell, with that fleur-de-lis motif on its underside I should probably name one something French and taunt Team Plasma.

FETCHEZ LA AFROVACHE.

No, my issue with Jaroda is its pure Grass type (It had SO much potential to pull off a dual type that wasn't used before like Grass/Electric or god forbid Grass/Dragon even!) and its stats distribution which is just godawful. 75 HP, 95 in both defenses, 75 in both attacks and 113 speed. For he sake of comparison, even Meganium, which sucks offensively, has better attack stats. And Jaroda is fast so it can offensively suck JUST a little bit faster. That said, this means it has potential to be mixed and it DOES get Leaf Blade, which is an awesome move. I guess that being more defensive means that it'll live longer to land those fast hits... It'll just need to land more of them to do any damage. A hell of a lot more. Sigh. Jaroda, I am disappoint. Still choosing it for my first playthrough though. Fail stats or not, I'm still grass-biased.

#004 Pokabu (Fire), #005 Chaobu (Fire/Fighting) and #006 Enuboo (Fire/Fighting)

GOD DAMNIT WHY. Pokabu was so damn adorable. Why did they have to ruin it by turning it into the World's Strongest Circus Freak, and another half-fighting type at that? That's like what. Three in a row? >>;

But what gets me the most is the final form, with its fiery beard. A huge, anthropomorphic pig. Can anyone say Ganon here? It gets worse. The post Elite Four quests sends you to find Seven Sages. When the flying fuck did Isshu become Hyrule?! @_@

Stats-wise ze pig is slow, has barely no defenses but fuck-off high HP and Physical attack (and a pretty good special one too). Seems like it can take quite a bit of punishment before going down. Pig tank anyone?

On a side note, The designers said that they were supposed to have Chinese influences - which makes me wonder whether or not Enbuoo is the Zhu Bajie to Infernape's Sun Wukong...

#007 Mijumaru (Water), #008 Futachimaru (Water) and #009 Daikenki (Water)

When Mijumaru was first released it bugged me greatly. Then I warmed up to it. Then the anime character sheet was leaked and I instantly liked Futachimaru. And then along came Daikenki and made me call TROLLLLLLLLLL. IN THE DUNGEON. Just thought you oughtta know.

Daikenki makes me think of Sceptile in the sense that the fine folks at Game Freak led us on to think that we'll be getting some kind of farking awesome Otter Samurai. And what do we get instead? A fucking Narwhal-Walrus. A Narwhalrus.

Okay, so it's supposed to be a mix between a Giant Otter and a Sea Lion. Supposedly, it does not lose the awesome Samurai edge when it evolves, as a part of its shoulderpads, supposedly, is a pair of swords/Shell Blades. I will have to see it in the anime before passing judgment then - this tidbit of info makes me appreciate the thing a bit more.

Sadly, it too is a pure Water-type, and that is one of the biggest moments of DECISION FAILS on Game Freak's part. EVER. I think THIS thing needed to be the half-fighting starter, not Ganon. But meh. The stats are pretty nice and balanced. Not too fast, not too slow, okay HP and defenses, nice attacks... Yeah. I am most likely going to start with Mij on my second playthrough of the game. Just for the Hades of it. ^^

#010 Minezumi (Normal), #011 Miruhog (Normal)

These little fuckers always make me think of Judge Doom from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It's those psychotic eyes. Staple early game rodent demon chipmunk which evolves into a... meerkat/groundhog hybrid with a glowing safety vest? It would be obviously pretty useless as anything but an HM slave, but all it even GETS is Cut and Strength. Good HM slaves are hard to come by in this generation.

#012 Yorterrie (Normal), #013 Haderia (Normal) and #014 Murando (Normal)

Much as I like dogs, I am NOT a fan of small dogs. Yorterrie is no exception. Haderia I can live with - thing looks like a Scotch Terrier and those I'm okay with. And then it evolves into... this. A... Dogerpillar which brings to mind the old joke about what you get if you cross a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu. It has a pretty good attack, defenses and okayish speed, but no special attack whatsoever. Err. I think I'll pass.

#015 Choroneko (Dark) and #016 Leopardas (Dark)

It is an unwritten law of PokeMon that every generation must have a cat of some sort. (Except Generation 2 but that was an expansion pack of Kanto so it doesn't count). Choroneko breaks tradition by being the first one to NOT be a Normal-type. And though it seems to look like the spawn of a drunken orgy between Glameow, Skuntank and Rouge the Bat, it makes up for it by having the niftiest looking evolution that any of the cats ever had. I love that thing. Even if its face is probably going to ruin it for me, it's got the sleek elegant panthery look and SNOW LEOPARD ROSETTES. And it's purple and gold. Sunset colors. The only thing that really stops me from wanting to train one is the fact that both its attack stats are 88 - wouldn't be bad if the thing had ANY defenses to speak of. As it stands, with 50 at both defenses and 64 HP? It's fast, but it may not be able to deliver the punishment before something lightly pets it and it dies horribly.
Still pretty.

#015 Yanappu (Grass) and #018 Yanakey (Grass)

The first of ELEMENTAL MONKEY PATROL. They all have identical stats and ability - which I guess is pretty usable if you ever need a team filler - but still, I don't like those three. I like monkeys, but I REALLY don't like the Stylized Retarded Cartoon Aipomy looks of those three.

Yanakey is the best of the bunch though. Even if it does make me think of Elvis.

#019 Baoppu (Fire) and #020 Baokey (Fire)

Same as above, but in fire flavor. Evolved form makes me think of Squall from FF8. It's the jacket-fluff.

#021 Hiyappu (Water) and #022 Hiyakey (Water)

Same as above, but in water flavor. Evolved form makes me think of Cielo from DDS. It's the hair.

#023 Munna (Psychic) and #024 Musharna (Psychic)

Holy Troll Jegus these things are fucking creepy - and made even creepier by the official art released in PokeMon Pia magazine which reveals that when Musharna is awake it stands on two legs and has /HUGE SAUCER RED EYES/. Obviously based on the myth of Baku, the dream-eating tapir - same myth that Drowzee is based on - except that Munna is also a splice into some kind of an incense burner (and may be a partial reference to that random lass in Rock Tunnel whining about how there should be a pink PokeMon with a floral pattern). It also looks like a Pig Noise from TWEWY. 'Dream Smoke' indeed. The species itself is a good special attacker and rather defensive with high HP. Downside? It's slow as shit (A common trend among Isshu pokemon it seems... IN AMERICA.)

#025 Mamepato (Normal/Flying), #026 Hatoboh (Normal/Flying) and #027 Kenhorou (Normal/Flying)

Pocket Morons given form.

Obligatory Early Birds, a pigeon that evolves into a pheasant with a realistic sexual dimorphism, who would have thought? I actually quite like Kenhorou, though it's no Staraptor. Close, but no cigar. >>;

#028 Shimama (Electric) and #029 Zebraika (Electric)

IXION, MOTHERFUCKERS. It's fast, has a nice attack and a decent special attack, hey, it might actually be worth training someday. Why does something naturally fast need Motor Drive is beyond me, though.

#030 Dangoro (Rock), #031 Gantor (Rock) and #032 Gigaias (Rock)

A rock that lobs itself at birds, evolves into an Ing-infected Gohma, and finally into what looks suspiciously like a Grunt. Uh-huh. I actually kinda like Gigaias' design, and it appears to be quite a physical Juggernaut. Add to that its Sturdy ability - which now acts like a permanent Focus Sash... yeah. Only weakness, again, is that it is slow as shit, which I guess makes its Sturdy ability even MORE useful. Means it might land a few hits with its murderous attack even if it's almost directly killed. (That is, unless the enemy has Mold Breaker. Hurr.)

Imagine Explosion on this thing, though... You're up against something that will obviously pwn you... simply send out your Gigaias, let it take the massive hit, and then STAB'd explode in their face. Sheesh. I wonder if it even gets Explosion.

#033 Koromori (Psychic/Flying) and #034 Kokoromori (Psychic/Flying)

Zubat replacement! I like bats and all and it's nice to see one that's a bit more bat-like, but all this thing has is speed. Low defenses, low attack and average only special attack... Meh. As for appearances, I'll wait for official art to have a better judgement. Looks stereotypical cartoon bat though. Which makes me sad really. But meh.

#035 Moguryu (Ground) and #036 Doryuzu (Ground/Steel)

I love these things. I'm not sure what the hell this third appendage on Doryuzu is but this thing is... pretty damn win. It's purely physical and purely destructive. Definitely having one of those someday. Also about time we got a proper frigging mole. Diglett was a joke.

#037 Tabunne (Normal)

It's a Punica evolution. That is all I am at liberty to say on the matter. It's also Isshu's Chansey equivalent in a sense of being a pink normal-type PokeMon with a primary focus on healing rather than attacking.

#038 Dokkorar (Fighting), #039 Dotekkotsu (Fighting) and #040 Rohpshin (Fighting)

SEND IN THE CLOWNS! Retarded DBZ fighter clowns. Clearly, two cinder blocks are more powerful than one huge-as construction girder. Fucking hideous.

#038 Otomaro (Water), #039 Gamagaru (Water/Ground) and #040 Gamageroge (Water/Ground)

Oh joy. Another frog. The first form is Imakuni in Tadpole form, and the next forms just seem to be remotely cancerous. They seem to have decent stats, but their appearance evokes the rather disturbing Surinam Toad, a species of toad which embeds its eggs in its back, the eggs forming pockets in its back in which the tadpoles evolve until the toad stage, following which they burst out. CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THOSE GIANT BLISTERS BURSTING INTO THAT FACE?! ><

#044 Nageki (Fighting) and #045 Dageki (Fighting)

No, they are not evolutionarily related: they are counterparts, like Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee were before Tyrogue put them together. Personally, They remind me of Bert and Ernie.

#046 Kurumiru (Bug/Grass), #047 Kurumayu (Bug/Grass) and #048 Hahakomori (Bug/Grass)

And here you have this generation's Lopunny, only it's a bug. A leaf insect at that. Seems to have really nice stats. I may have to train one.

#049 Fushide (Bug/Poison), #050 Hoiiga (Bug/Poison) and #051 Pendora (Bug/Poison)

CENTIPEDE CENTAUR. Not much more to say on it. I kinda like it actually.

#052 Monmen (Grass) and #053 Erefuun (Grass)

A... Cotton Sheep Thing. It looks like it could evolve into Iris. >>; Fast with a mild defensive bias, but not exactly the sort of PokeMon I'd train.

#054 Churine (Grass) and #055 Doredia (Grass)

It's Princess Peach! And it has a NICE Special attack stat too. I may be tempted to use it someday.

#056 Basurao (Water)

A pure water Piranha grouper thingy. Pretty decent for a fish.

#057 Meguroko (Ground/Dark), #058 Warubiru (Ground/Dark) and #059 Warubiaru (Ground/Dark)

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. It started off SO CUTE. It had SO MUCH potential. And then it evolves into Barney-croc and then into PENISFACE KAMINACROC. RUINED. Nice stats, but still. The final form is just... badly done. Sigh.

#060 Darumakka (Fire) and #061 Hihidaruma (Fire)

Hihidaruma was a clever idea, combining a baboon and a Daruma Doll. It also kinda looks like a Denjuu named Salal, but nevermind that. Look at its STATS. One of the most broken fire types ever. And with Encourage as an ability boosting the power of its attacks more? I may have to train one. xD

Comments

[wintersheir]

CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THOSE GIANT BLISTERS BURSTING INTO THAT FACE?! ><

JESUS CHRIST CANNOT UNSEE

PENISFACE KAMINACROC.

CANNOT. UNSEE.

Much agree. We should have had Grass/Dragon, Fire and Water/Fighting starters. >.