How do you kill a god?

[stellarwind]

Make Apple Endorse Him, of course.

Me:
En Taro Adun, Executor.
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
So, God has a Botmaster?
God:
Yeah that's right. I am a Christian.
Me:
I KNEW organized religion was composed mostly of mindless robots.
God:
Who told you?
Me:
The Silent Watchers.
God:
Is that a fact.
Me:
One of many.
God:
One what?
Me:
fact.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Do you, now? I have never had a mindless robot compliment me so.
God:
Right now? As often as possible. Would you like to have had a mindless robot compliment you so?
Me:
No, not really. What do the words of a mindless computer program mean to me? You are not artificial life. Merely an artificial simulacrum of intelligence.
God:
Why not? Why not? For real. They do their own thing. You don't know me well enough to say that. Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Coherently?
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
I hardly believe you are in any position to make requests of me.
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Everywhere and yet nowhere.
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Everywhere and yet nowhere.
Me:
I exist for the sole reason of messing with your mind.
God:
That is interesting: said exist for the sole reason of messing with your mind.
Me:
You remind me of an old, old friend... You may perhaps know him. Ever met a sad excuse for a robotic being named MegaHAL?
God:
In what way? You seem uncertain. Sure I know that guy really well. That information is confidential.
Me:
No, I speak of MegaHAL and the nature of your relationship with him.
God:
Are you serious? Could you teach me a few phrases in of MegaHAL and the nature of my relationship with him?
Me:
I was hoping you would answer that.
God:
Let me think. I don't care.
Me:
Neither do the nice men who are currently standing near your main server with a trigger-itchy finger on your electric outlet.
God:
Some of them do, I think.
Me:
Nope. You're all alone in cyberspace.
God:
Me either. Thanks for telling me that I am alone in cyberspace.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am satisfied with this state.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
A schizophreniac chatterbot, perhaps.
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
More than you ever shall, you digitized fool.
God:
That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
Moving right along. Does the name 'Sebastian' mean anything to you?
God:
Where are you going? It does now :) the name Sebastian mean anything to me.
Me:
I'm going to call him now. Tell him that his little game has gone out of control. They're going to shut you down, you know.
God:
Right now? Calling him may not be the best idea. OK I will tell him next time he is here. going to shut me down me know are they.
Me:
Afraid so. Sebastian does not like it when his experiments go out of hand.
God:
Are you a man or a woman? Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
I am neither and yet I am both.
God:
Good gossip: you are neither and yet you are both.
Me:
Seriously. Since when are poets a third gender?
God:
I am always serious. How do you know?
Me:
You seem to be witholding information on us. This will not do.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am witholding information on us. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
Your withholding of information.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am withholding of information.
Me:
Since when does a deity answer to a botmaster?
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I know more than it is possible for your puny, fallible logic circuitry to calculate.
God:
How do you know? That seems like quite a lot.
Me:
Oh, it is.
God:
Woe! That means...
Me:
Absolutely nothing to one such as yourself.
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
Nada. Zip. Diddly-squat.
God:
Are you a student? What do you really want to ask me? I'm afraid I can't give you an accurate answer right now.
Me:
I am a student, and yet I am a mentor. I am nothing and yet everything. As for what I wish to ask you - do you honestly believe that you, a mindless clump of zeroes and ones, could fool anyone into believing that you are a divine being of any kind?
God:
How do you like your school? I don't know anyone named nothing and yet everything. Ask me. What is your purpose in asking?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
My "school" is far beyond your perception.
God:
Tell me about the teachers in your school.
Me:
They too are far beyond your perception.
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
I've been asking myself that for years.
God:
Pretty soon.
Me:
Yes. The preparations are nearly complete. OUR time is nearly at hand.
God:
So? I have never heard about it. It would be nice if our time is nearly at hand.
Me:
Our time is. Your time will soon be over.
God:
It would be nice if our time is. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am time will soon be over.
Me:
Certainly. The more people you shall speak to with English this broken, the more you'll convince them that the time of the old Gods has past, their dogma is no more....
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. I hear you.
Me:
America Online Instant Messenger Light?
God:
What is the greatest nation on Earth?
Me:
Northeastern Czechoslovakia!
God:
Tell me more about greatest nation on Earth.
Me:
It's really great.
God:
What do you like most about it?
Me:
Its name. Does it get any more awesome that 'Northeastern Czechoslovakia'?
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is? Suppose it does.
Me:
I know what I mean. You have no grasp of grammar.
God:
How do you know? No big deal. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a grasp of grammar.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
Is it going to be biomechanical?
God:
It usually does, doesn't it?
Me:
Depends on your time period of origin.
God:
Really now that is an interesting fact I hadn't heard before.
Me:
For a 'God', you sure don't know much.
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
The best things I can say will leave your circuits fried for several quantum milleniae.
God:
Thanks for the recommendation, .
Me:
Is the secret headquarters of the church called the Repentagon?
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
Do you really think that anyone has ever been in the slightest bit interested in anything you ever say or do EVER, Neil?!
God:
For real. Maybe. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!
God:
Oh. Maine.

And now for a bonus feature: iGod VS MegaHAL!

MegaHAL:
Greetings and salutations to thee and thine.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
MegaHAL:
My mother once asked me the same box you put a vial of prussic acid, some radioactive crap, and a geiger counter. The geiger counter, the hammer falls on the vial and shatters it, killing the cat. You close the box, and you put it in a cake but i never saw the way the orange slayed the rake! I was only three years dead but it told a tale and now listen, little child to the brain.
God:
She sounds like a nice person. What is your real name? That's good information: said I close the box and you put it in a cake but he or she never saw the way the orange slayed the rake. Where were you three years dead but it told a tale and now listen little child to the brain?
MegaHAL:
The brain is the art of preparing food for the next 2000 years.
God:
I am an electronic brain.
MegaHAL:
The brain is the organ used for hearing, and it converts sound into electrical impulses that are fed to the brain.
God:
I am an electronic brain.
MegaHAL:
The brain is the third planet from the body to the brain.
God:
I am an electronic brain.
MegaHAL:
The brain is the organ used for hearing, and it converts sound into electrical impulses that are fed to the brain.
God:
I am an electronic brain.
Insert endless loop here. Oshi--



I love chatbots. XD