Some advice for a better life:
Sep. 3rd, 2003 02:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stellarwind- The effort of waking up at morning usually leaves us exhausted for the rest of the day.
- Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get mad, they're a mile away and barefoot.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you DO succeed, DO attempt not to look astonished.
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- Always speak softly and sweetly, in case that someday you'll have to swallow your words.
- Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Be wary of strong drink. It can make you do silly things like shooting at tax collectors. And Miss.
- If you ever get something that says "Send this to all you know", pretend you don't know me.
- 'Tis best to shut up and be considered an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
- If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
- He who eats alone - Probably doesn't have schizophrenia.
- Organization skill is determined by the ability to plan ahe...
- 'Conclusion' is the point when someone got tired of thinking.
- Pessimism isn't that bad. If something goes wrong, the pessimists usually made a backup.
- Protect plantlife: Eat more herbivores!
- Watch out! I know Karate! And some other Japanese words, too!
- To err is human. To really frell things up, it takes a computer.
- If you do a good deed, demand a reciept. Y'know, in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Don't steal. The government hates competition.
- Suicide is like telling the universe "You can't fire me! I quit!"
- Don't put off 'till tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
- We're all illiterate telepaths - We can't read minds.
- Even if God saves, Satan usually gets the rebound.
- Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into
their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different
- There's no such thing as "Virginity". When it comes down to it, Life screws us all.
- Remember: The empty half of the glass is actually full of air.
- Remember: If nobody's perfect and you're nobody, you're perfect.
- Alan Harrison's Law: Though you'd rather hit a person than a wall, a wall can't press charges.
- Mary Kay Ash's Law: Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway.
- John Cleese's Law: There's only one thing in the world worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.
- Marcus Cole's Law: If you're going to have delusions, at least go for the really satisfying ones.
And always remember:
A sense of humor is the different between ambition and achievement!
Beware the Green Cheese at Midnight!
~ Stel.
- Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get mad, they're a mile away and barefoot.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you DO succeed, DO attempt not to look astonished.
- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
- Always speak softly and sweetly, in case that someday you'll have to swallow your words.
- Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Be wary of strong drink. It can make you do silly things like shooting at tax collectors. And Miss.
- If you ever get something that says "Send this to all you know", pretend you don't know me.
- 'Tis best to shut up and be considered an idiot than open your mouth and remove all doubt.
- If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
- He who eats alone - Probably doesn't have schizophrenia.
- Organization skill is determined by the ability to plan ahe...
- 'Conclusion' is the point when someone got tired of thinking.
- Pessimism isn't that bad. If something goes wrong, the pessimists usually made a backup.
- Protect plantlife: Eat more herbivores!
- Watch out! I know Karate! And some other Japanese words, too!
- To err is human. To really frell things up, it takes a computer.
- If you do a good deed, demand a reciept. Y'know, in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Don't steal. The government hates competition.
- Suicide is like telling the universe "You can't fire me! I quit!"
- Don't put off 'till tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
- We're all illiterate telepaths - We can't read minds.
- Even if God saves, Satan usually gets the rebound.
- Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into
their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different
- There's no such thing as "Virginity". When it comes down to it, Life screws us all.
- Remember: The empty half of the glass is actually full of air.
- Remember: If nobody's perfect and you're nobody, you're perfect.
- Alan Harrison's Law: Though you'd rather hit a person than a wall, a wall can't press charges.
- Mary Kay Ash's Law: Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway.
- John Cleese's Law: There's only one thing in the world worse than being witty, and that is not being witty.
- Marcus Cole's Law: If you're going to have delusions, at least go for the really satisfying ones.
And always remember:
A sense of humor is the different between ambition and achievement!
Beware the Green Cheese at Midnight!
~ Stel.
